Juggling Responsibilities: My Experience as a Student Once More

I am a mom to two college-aged kiddos, two dogs and a cat.

Life is a funny thing. When I was my daughter's age (19), I had plans for my plans—time seemed endless and quickly spent. I never imagined the life that I would find myself at a crossroads.

I've bobbed and weaved through life as an educator for nearly thirty years. I have taught at all levels, from early childhood to university courses. When I decided that education was my field of study, I was geeked on being the best teacher I could be until I wasn't. My breakup letter to teaching was a rather public blog post on my Medium page, and while I articulated 13 reasons why I was quitting, a big piece for me was the lack of autonomy and creativity in my role.

I found tangential ways to be the educator I wanted to be by moving into nontraditional capacities like being a director of lifespan faith development or a literacy program specialist. While those positions serve me well, there still needs to be something more for me.

Some people are built to be employees, and to work a 9-5, I don't feel like that is me entirely. I am capable, but my happy space is a maker space. I want to create and tell stories. I have big dreams of tiny houses and travel. Time and location are things that I want to flex in the latter half of my life. Enter my new major.

It's hard to explain how I could go up the educational ladder, almost earning my Ph.D., and then return to school for a B.S. It feels like putting together a jigsaw puzzle and holding the last piece in my hand instead of placing it and looking at that first puzzle with satisfaction; I've just moved on to a completely different puzzle.

Thank you, ADHD. The neurodivergent minds reading this will not be surprised to hear that this is what I am doing now. In part, my life as an educator has served others directly and helped me provide a stable life for my children. As a single mom, teaching provided us with the stability of a steady paycheck and insurance. Now that I am an empty-nester, that no longer needs to be my focus. It is time to have something just for me.

This week was my first week of classes. I am taking two courses in my Digital Media & Storytelling program: Technical Writing and Digital Art. Getting used to being on the learner side of Canvas is interesting.

Canvas is the learning management program that many schools use to deliver online instruction. There are too many ways to navigate to the same place, which could be clearer. I also wish the modules could be released faster so we could work ahead a tad.

During the first week, my instructors required discussion posts in each class as an introduction to the other students. My digital art class intros were more fun because the instructor asked us to post a picture that meant something to us. I posted the image at the beginning of this blog post and wrote about my desire to become the writer and creator I am meant to be. Maybe not surprisingly, our intro assignment in my technical writing class could have been more creative and felt a little like a struggle to knock out. Also, the professor in my technical writing class has a thick accent, and because I struggle with hearing, I need help figuring out how to get subtitles on the video.

Each class also had a quiz. The quiz in the art class was about using design terms to describe five photographs. The only trouble was that the instructor gave the list of terms on a slide but did not define the terms in her lecture or provide handouts. My imposter syndrome kicked in when I didn't have clear answers in front of me to help me complete the quiz. I did okay, but now I am in the waiting period in the feedback loop, holding my breath for affirmation of a job well done. Like my former students, I have checked my grades at least fifteen times since submitting my quiz. The quiz in the technical writing class was about the syllabus, and the one thing that came through loud and clear was that the instructor does not accept late work.

One of the technical writing assignments was text-dependent, which was a little tricky because the textbook was a 2022 edition and unavailable on Amazon. I had to rent the book from Chegg; there is no way that I am spending $200 on a book on technical writing without first using it to decide if it is something I need in my physical library.

Since I didn't have much else to do this week while snowed in and unable to move on to the subsequent modules, I decided to fill out the general scholarship application and work on funding my studies. The application was disheartening to me as a nontraditional student. All the questions, minus the 1000-word scholarship essay, were geared towards traditional students asking about extracurriculars at different grade levels, volunteer work, and other things that a single mom of two kids working two or more jobs to get her kids through life can't speak to.

Oh well, that is what the essay is for. The only trouble is that, for the time being, I am at a loss for words on the essay front. I am sure I will resolve that issue with some sleep, but that is where I am now.

So there you have it, week one in the books. I am less nervous now that the courses are moving, but it feels weird to be an undergraduate student again. I hope that honing my skills in this way helps me become the storyteller I want to be and helps my remote work and creative dreams come true.